Category: Humor

Fear and loathing while climbing Moosedog Tower

I have an inability to say “no” when presented with an enticing adventure and story angle, no matter how far outside my comfort zone the adventure is. Which is how I found myself discovering fear and loathing while climbing Moosedog Tower in Joshua Tree.

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Remembering George H.W. Bush — My hike with President Bush

When I received a phone invitation to go on a hike through the Giant Sequoias in California with President George H.W. Bush during the summer of 1992, my initial reaction was, “Right, who is this, really?” I could name any number of wonderful friends who would make such an “official” offer while doubled up with mirth and glee – eager to hang any appearance of gullibility over my head for a lifetime.

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Lost in Translation: Funny Chinese instructions in hotels

You don’t have to spend more than a few hours in China before funny Chinese instructions begin to leap out at you resulting in raised eyebrows, giggles, smiles, and even outbursts of laughter. But it is in hotels that the level of ridiculous attempts at English take on an entirely new level of funny.

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Lost in Translation: Funny Chinese English on warning signs

The eleven signs with funny Chinese English in this post are part of our second offering in a series of stories on funny Chinese-to-English translation fails. If you missed it, be sure to check out “Lost in Translation: Fire warnings become funny Chinese signs.” Now, without further ado, funny Chinese signs with extremely humorous translation fails focused on warning the public about something or other.

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Lost in Translation: Fire warnings become funny Chinese signs

Chinese English translation fails are legendary and the stuff that inspires countless online spoofs, digital highlights, published humor books and even plays. You don’t have to spend more than a few hours in China before funny Chinese signs and translations begin to leap out at you inspiring raised eyebrows, giggles and even outbursts of laughter. And while we were told by a local that there was an official Chinese government office in charge of vetting and approving English translations, it’s staff apparently needs to spend more time actually learning English rather than how to work Google translate.

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British insults: Yeah, I deserved it

British insults. To be able to deliver the classy and thoughtful zinger of an insult is of course a time-honored British tradition. My moment of being on the receiving end of an artful insult happened on a misty mountaintop in the Lake District of England.

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Running at Disney World turned me into an outlaw

During a trip to Orlando, Fla., in 2015, I was reminded of a previous vacation my husband and I took to Orlando’s Disney World – one where I actually tried running at Disney World. For runners, the city can be so aggravating: I call it the home of “sidewalks to nowhere.” That’s assuming there are any. Usually there are not. The moniker “sidewalks to nowhere” came up a long time ago when I would find that sidewalks just ended – wheelchair ramp and all – leaving any unlucky pedestrian in the middle of a busy street or slogging through rough grass and mud beside an endless stream of cars and trucks. Basically, this city ain’t designed for anything but automobiles.

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Confused by color naming — am I now color blind?

I reached for my reading glasses and, keeping my dictionary and a color wheel pinched from my daughter’s old Crayola art set handy, I resumed paging. There was a sweater in “gaucho,” a pant in “Zen,” a shirt in “Dijon” (what, no Grey Poupon?), and a pullover in “storm.”

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Keep robots outta my trousers – say no to nanopants

It seems everyone is gaga over the stain-resistant properties of clothing using nanotechnology — tiny robots to perform the manipulating and positioning of individual atoms thereby eliminating stains. And I know what you are thinking … that’s way cool. But think on this. What if those robots go rogue, in your pants?

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Airfare add ons are reaching the absurd

Flying on too many airlines in the world these days requires a calculator to determine all the airfare add ons unless you are privileged enough to have more than an average level of frequent flier status. Airfare add ons for luggage. More add ons for carry ons and luggage. Adding it all up can drive you crazy. Thanks to one of our intrepid world travelers for providing us so much fodder to create this decidedly, but not so far off, tongue-in-cheek ticket add-on detail…

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I love a good shea butter massage … is that wrong?

I can honestly say I like a spa that offers shea butter massage and exfoliation. But it wasn’t always this way. My sojourn to the dark side began with an argument. A late summer’s day evening found me engaged in nonsensical combat with my lovely dark-haired wife, Therese. We were wielding verbal daggers with abandon, spilling emotional blood all over the floor; evidence of a marriage stressed by too much time spent growing a business and not enough time nurturing the soul.

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Oversized carryon and butts in my face — the joy of air travel

I was just settled into my airplane seat and in the process of unfurling the USA Today when a voluminous leather satchel came swinging through the air – narrowly missing my head. At his feet was an oversized carryon so huge it could have doubled as a walk-in closet at my house. How on earth did he imagine this would ever fit?

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The Friendly Skies Can Get A Bit Too Friendly

Sometimes, the friendly skies get a bit too friendly for me. I had just settled into my exit row seat on the aisle of a Canadair Regional Jet from Los Angeles to Sacramento when Madame X arrived. She pointed to the window seat and then, without waiting for me to disengage from my seat and move to the aisle to allow her to pass, she straddled my legs and with a twisting move that would have impressed the most advanced pole dancer, brushed her ample posterior past my face.

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Harvard killed any ‘sex is exercise’ pitch dammit

Thanks a lot, Harvard! In almost less time than it takes to click into a website, the Harvard Men’s Health Watch cut the legs out from under my most persuasive pitch for having sex – “Honey, sex is exercise and good for me.” Since my wife loves me and does care about what’s good for me, that line is a proven winner.

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You’re not married until Facebook says so

For more than 11 years, my wife and I have shared a home, a bedroom and countless happy moments traveling around the world together. My daughter, who was at our wedding, knows us as married. We were married by a minister, so we presume God knows we’re husband and wife. The state of California has even issued us a marriage license. And goodness knows, my wife’s parents and my parents both thought we were married too. But despite the overwhelming evidence that I am, in fact, a happily married man, I just learned no one is married until Facebook says so.

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