Tag: travel humor

Remembering George H.W. Bush — My hike with President Bush

When I received a phone invitation to go on a hike through the Giant Sequoias in California with President George H.W. Bush during the summer of 1992, my initial reaction was, “Right, who is this, really?” I could name any number of wonderful friends who would make such an “official” offer while doubled up with mirth and glee – eager to hang any appearance of gullibility over my head for a lifetime.

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British insults: Yeah, I deserved it

British insults. To be able to deliver the classy and thoughtful zinger of an insult is of course a time-honored British tradition. My moment of being on the receiving end of an artful insult happened on a misty mountaintop in the Lake District of England.

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Running at Disney World turned me into an outlaw

During a trip to Orlando, Fla., in 2015, I was reminded of a previous vacation my husband and I took to Orlando’s Disney World – one where I actually tried running at Disney World. For runners, the city can be so aggravating: I call it the home of “sidewalks to nowhere.” That’s assuming there are any. Usually there are not. The moniker “sidewalks to nowhere” came up a long time ago when I would find that sidewalks just ended – wheelchair ramp and all – leaving any unlucky pedestrian in the middle of a busy street or slogging through rough grass and mud beside an endless stream of cars and trucks. Basically, this city ain’t designed for anything but automobiles.

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Confused by color naming — am I now color blind?

I reached for my reading glasses and, keeping my dictionary and a color wheel pinched from my daughter’s old Crayola art set handy, I resumed paging. There was a sweater in “gaucho,” a pant in “Zen,” a shirt in “Dijon” (what, no Grey Poupon?), and a pullover in “storm.”

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Fighting the robot incursion — no to nanopants

I know what you’re thinking—if they can do that with pants, imagine what the future may hold—and I’m right there with you. But before you race off gleefully into the stain-resistant future, think on this: Advanced nanotechnology requires miniature (and I do mean teeny-weeny) robots to actually perform the manipulating and positioning of individual atoms, all less than 1,000 nanometers, which is so small they had to invent a long word just to describe it.

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Airfare add ons are reaching the absurd

Flying on too many airlines in the world these days requires a calculator to determine all the airfare add ons unless you are privileged enough to have more than an average level of frequent flier status. Airfare add ons for luggage. More add ons for carry ons and luggage. Adding it all up can drive you crazy. Thanks to one of our intrepid world travelers for providing us so much fodder to create this decidedly, but not so far off, tongue-in-cheek ticket add-on detail…

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A husband learns to say shea butter massage and exfoliation

I can honestly say I like a spa that offers shea butter massage and exfoliation. But it wasn’t always this way. My sojourn to the dark side began with an argument. A late summer’s day evening found me engaged in nonsensical combat with my lovely dark-haired wife, Therese. We were wielding verbal daggers with abandon, spilling emotional blood all over the floor; evidence of a marriage stressed by too much time spent growing a business and not enough time nurturing the soul.

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Fear and loathing climbing Moosedog Tower

Therein lies my weakness: An inability to say “no,” even in the face of a challenge far greater than my level of skill or physical attributes. Unfortunately, all of my friends seem to know this. My wife certainly knows this. Even my dog probably knows this.

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The Friendly Skies Can Get A Bit Too Friendly

Sometimes, the friendly skies get a bit too friendly for me. I had just settled into my exit row seat on the aisle of a Canadair Regional Jet from Los Angeles to Sacramento when Madame X arrived. She pointed to the window seat and then, without waiting for me to disengage from my seat and move to the aisle to allow her to pass, she straddled my legs and with a twisting move that would have impressed the most advanced pole dancer, brushed her ample posterior past my face.

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Harvard killed any ‘sex is exercise’ pitch dammit

Thanks a lot, Harvard! In almost less time than it takes to click into a website, the Harvard Men’s Health Watch cut the legs out from under my most persuasive pitch for having sex – “Honey, sex is exercise and good for me.” Since my wife loves me and does care about what’s good for me, that line is a proven winner.

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You’re not married until Facebook says so

For more than 11 years, my wife and I have shared a home, a bedroom and countless happy moments traveling around the world together. My daughter, who was at our wedding, knows us as married. We were married by a minister, so we presume God knows we’re husband and wife. The state of California has even issued us a marriage license. And goodness knows, my wife’s parents and my parents both thought we were married too. But despite the overwhelming evidence that I am, in fact, a happily married man, I just learned no one is married until Facebook says so.

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Tag: travel humor